It's been a long time since I went into any aspect of my life without an expectation--the past year it has been the only control I have had (or the only control I have felt I have had). Having expectations was a way for me to be able reject things when those expectations weren't met--job wasn't good enough, guy wasn't interesting enough, I wasn't trusting enough--and justify the rejection.
Funny now, then, to be entering two separate aspects of my life with no expectations--just a sweet feeling of peace, and a willingness to see where I will end up next. Some sort of switch has been flicked--conscious or not, it is working :) I'm rediscovering how freeing it is to let go, after holding on much too tightly.
Good goddamn thing, because my arms are sore!